Do you suffer from stage fright or get a little anxious about public speaking? Feeling nervous about being in front of an audience is fairly common; even the professionals experience nerves before an important speech or performance and there are various techniques to get your butterflies to fly in formation.
Recently I had the opportunity to experience a different way to conquer public speaking anxiety. The method was developed by Lee Glickstein from Speaking Circles International. After suffering a lifetime of stage fright, Lee was motivated to develop a radical approach to authentic and effective public speaking. This process of discovery led him to a deep understanding of the principles of natural communication (through what he calls Relational Presence) and his company now has facilitators around the world sharing his programmes.
I first became aware of Lee and his Speaking Circles around 6 years ago so I was excited when I heard that he was visiting Scotland and I would have an opportunity to try out a Speaking Circle for myself.
Taking part in a Speaking Circle seems to have a profound impact on everyone who experiences it, me included. A key part of the process is the facilitator ensuring from the beginning that everyone in the Circle attunes their listening to the person standing at the front, without expectation or judgement. There is no analysis of the process or the content shared by the person at the front (they are not called the ‘speaker’ because there is no expectation to speak at any time.) The person at the front is asked only to fully explore being with the individuals who make up the group, one at a time, in what is called Relational Presence. The idea is for them to take the focus off the speaking and to be open to receiving the listening.
I was very curious and at first a little sceptical, having seen a few videos of people in a speaking circle that didn’t really excite me in any way. But the magic of a speaking circle is what happens in the room in the moment with those people who are all attuned to each other, and wow, what a privilege to experience.
After some initial introductions to find out why each person was attending and what they hoped to get out of it, Lee asked us to be still and fully present while he explained the process. He asked us to listen to each person with a ‘soft gaze of kind regard’. One at a time we each had a chance to stand at the front; the first round was two minutes each and the following round five minutes. After the second round, the audience was asked to give two or three words to describe what they observed about the person at the front. Words such as radiant, alive, sparkly, excited, true, authentic, real, grounded, intriguing, powerful, inspiring, strong, comfortable, charismatic, wise, mystical, magnetic, compelling and captivating were used – not words you would be likely to use to describe people who normally didn’t feel comfortable in front of an audience, such is the impact of this method.
During my time at the front, I don’t remember most of what I said although I did notice my heart beating quickly at the beginning, an observation I shared with the group, and I did get quite emotional towards the end of my second round when I shared the story of how my fear of singing began as a child. Mostly I just allowed myself to ‘be’ and to notice everything and everyone around me. I allowed my breathing to slow and I felt very grounded. I didn’t feel like I had to speak while I was standing there. I enjoyed the silence and the eye contact with each person in the Circle, I connected with my intuition and I only spoke when I became aware of the need or the desire to share something.
I have experienced similar intense exercises in various drama workshops and at yoga retreats over the years, where you look into a person’s eyes and really ‘see’ them so I was quite relaxed throughout; however, if you’ve never experienced something like that I imagine it could quite uncomfortable for some people at first. One of the challenges most of my clients have is the discomfort of feeling everyone’s eyes on them, but in a Speaking Circle, by making it about the listening and not the speaking it completely changes the dynamic.
It’s this experience of really being seen and heard and really seeing and hearing others that makes it such a magical encounter. As a listener, I felt very emotional as I watched each person at the front and listened to what they chose to share. I felt I was in the presence of amazing beauty; there were no Instagram filters but every person’s face told a story and looked truly beautiful. I was awestruck by the unique magnificence I saw in everyone. As the person at the front, it was wonderful to be really seen and heard; connecting with individuals one at a time, knowing no words needed to be spoken, sharing an experience of being fully present in the moment.
In our day to day lives, we are often rushing from one thing to the next, listening to people and not really hearing them, looking at people and not really seeing them. So having an opportunity to spend an afternoon being fully in the moment with a group of strangers was powerfully life affirming and quite meditative.
Whilst Speaking Circles is a different approach, the method ties in with my own teaching that we don’t speak to ‘an audience’; in fact, public speaking is simply a series of one to one conversations. In a Speaking Circle I found those individual conversations, or exchanges, to be deeper than one would normally experience and that was a real gift. It definitely helped me to reflect on my own communication and think about how I can develop deeper connections with both individual and groups.
If you ever get a chance to take part in a Speaking Circle, I encourage you to do so. I can’t wait for the opportunity to do it again!
Mel Sherwood is a Presentation Skills and Personal Impact Speaker and Founder of The RED Effect™. She works with ambitious business leaders, teams and individuals who want to express themselves with confidence, credibility and charisma. An Australian based in Scotland, Mel is an award-winning speaker, author and coach and combines over 25 years’ experience in business with a background as an actor, presenter and singer.